"Happiness in marriage is entirely a matter of chance . . . it is better to know as little as possible of the defects of the person with whom you are to pass your life." ~ Charlotte to Elizabeth about marriage (Pride and Prejudice pg. 16)
I disagree with Charlotte when she says that happiness in marriage is by chance. I think that you can be truly happy in marriage if you marry the right person. You could have a completely happy marriage for a while and then turn to hate the person you married as their annoying quirks come out. Or vice-versa you could find out all the annoying qualities that your Fiancé has and still marry them being perfectly happy. It all depends on the temperament and patience that both partners have.
“…there are very few of us who have heart enough to be really in love without encouragement. In nine cases out of ten, a woman had better shew more affection than she feels. Bingley likes your sister undoubtedly; but he may never do more than like her, if she does not help him on.” ~ Charlotte to Elizabeth about Jane and Mr. Bingley (Pride and Prejudice pg. 15)
Not knowing the annoying traits that your spouse or future husband or wife has would be like lying to yourself in my mind. I mean yes you could probably save yourself from getting into petty fights by not focusing on your significant other's flaws, but no one is perfect and those quirks are what makes life interesting. Without a thorough knowledge of this you wouldn't be able to express a full range of emotions. You would only be able to be the nice perfect person that society and your significant other would want you to be. For example: My grandfather only knows the side of me that is respectful, kind and honest. He never got to know the free-spirited, creative and rebelliousness side of me. I feel that this would be the same way in this situation. Jane is very quiet and intelligent. What would she be like when no one is in the room with her? No one knows. Would she sing or dance around? No idea. I think she would probably either write in some journal, paint or sing. Mr. Bingley is quite the opposite. He would probably dance on his own time when no one was in a room with him, or maybe write engaging letters to acquaintances. When they got married if they followed Charlotte's advice about knowing as little flaws as possible about your significant other they would never be able to do the things they do when no one is watching them, and they certainly would not feel comfortable doing those things in front of each other. How confining that would feel; to never be able to fully express yourself in a creative way, to show your true self. I could imagine that both partners would eventually feel frustrated and their marriage would be strained and it would lose its spark.
“…though Bingley and Jane meet tolerably often, it is never for many hours together; and as they always see each other in large mixed parties, it is impossible that every moment should be employed in conversing together. Jane should therefore make the most of every half hour in which she can command his attention. When she is secure of him, there will be leisure for falling in love as much as she chuses.” ~ Charlotte to Elizabeth about falling in love (Pride and Prejudice pg. 15)
I have always seen marriage as being love-centered. I guess it is the hopeless romantic in me. When I think of marriage being more strategic I think of a political marriage (like between royal families), or some kind of arranged marriage (based on a tribe or old cultures). I don't think marriage should be a strategic move, because what is marriage without love. If you married for a strategic purpose you would act like some kind of robot. I guess there could be some cases where you could fall in love with the other person, but a lot of times people fall in love with someone they like spending time with and have good chemistry with. They wouldn't usually marry someone for say business purposes. How sad would it be if someone got married by way of some business arrangement? That is not how I picture marriage, and it is certainly not how Jane Austin herself pictured it as well.
Monday, January 26, 2009
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Why did Jane Austen never marry?
I wanted to find out why Jane Austen being such a famous romantic writer never married.
In my research I found that her first love (and maybe only love), was a man named Tom Lefroy. He came from a prominent wealthy family who had high expectations of him. He was burdened with supporting his family and sisters. His father wanted him to become a lawyer. Anne Lefroy is the one who might have introduced Tom and Jane.
From what I read online, Jane and Tom had a lot in common, and liked to talk about different authors as both of them read a lot. It seems that Jane may have felt more in love with him than he did for her, as Tom realized his family didn't approve of Jane's social standing and he kept the relationship going a long time before he ended it. I gather that Tom Lefroy's family forced him to marry an heiress, a wealthy woman more suitable to Tom's social standing. After this point when Jane finds out that he has gotten married she never talks about him again. I feel that he must have broken her heart and she never really got over it. I mean this happened when she was about 20 according to my research, and she died when she was 41 years old. That is only 21 years later, that is not a long time to get over someone that she seemed to be very close to over a period of many, many months.
I feel kind of sad for her that she never really found someone to be with. Not that a girl needs a guy to survive in life, but it just makes things easier to have someone to talk to when you are having a bad day or there is some great tragedy happening in your life. I feel like Jane dealt with this by talking with her sister Cassandra. From what I found out it seems that Cassandra and Jane were really close. There was not a single person that could separate the bond that these two sisters shared. They were honest about everything, and left nothing out. Every intimate, secret and detail was shared. I think that is so sweet and amazing, and yet a little sad. Jane confessed that when her sister died she had lost her best friend, a part of herself and that she did not feel that she could communicate or be close to anyone else as she did to her sister. So when her sister died she really was all alone. I just find this idea of Jane Austen not getting married to be a fascinating topic and one shrouded in mystery.
In my research I found that her first love (and maybe only love), was a man named Tom Lefroy. He came from a prominent wealthy family who had high expectations of him. He was burdened with supporting his family and sisters. His father wanted him to become a lawyer. Anne Lefroy is the one who might have introduced Tom and Jane.
From what I read online, Jane and Tom had a lot in common, and liked to talk about different authors as both of them read a lot. It seems that Jane may have felt more in love with him than he did for her, as Tom realized his family didn't approve of Jane's social standing and he kept the relationship going a long time before he ended it. I gather that Tom Lefroy's family forced him to marry an heiress, a wealthy woman more suitable to Tom's social standing. After this point when Jane finds out that he has gotten married she never talks about him again. I feel that he must have broken her heart and she never really got over it. I mean this happened when she was about 20 according to my research, and she died when she was 41 years old. That is only 21 years later, that is not a long time to get over someone that she seemed to be very close to over a period of many, many months.
I feel kind of sad for her that she never really found someone to be with. Not that a girl needs a guy to survive in life, but it just makes things easier to have someone to talk to when you are having a bad day or there is some great tragedy happening in your life. I feel like Jane dealt with this by talking with her sister Cassandra. From what I found out it seems that Cassandra and Jane were really close. There was not a single person that could separate the bond that these two sisters shared. They were honest about everything, and left nothing out. Every intimate, secret and detail was shared. I think that is so sweet and amazing, and yet a little sad. Jane confessed that when her sister died she had lost her best friend, a part of herself and that she did not feel that she could communicate or be close to anyone else as she did to her sister. So when her sister died she really was all alone. I just find this idea of Jane Austen not getting married to be a fascinating topic and one shrouded in mystery.
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